Today • I forgive myself

I forgive myself for the times I tried to find ways to make myself feel smaller than I really was. For those moments I used to allow myself to cower in order for others to feel bigger, brighter, better and stronger, so I could later feel trapped, exhausted and violate the person I really was.

I forgive myself for those times I said “yes”, when my intuition clearly said “no”, as well as for putting other’s needs before taking care of myself first.

I forgive myself for the fact that I tried to believe I was perfect. Or for the times I thought I was chubby and not worth anything (both of those beliefs stopped me from loving myself for who I was).

I forgive myself for the times I let my ego come out in to this world, saying or doing things, which made others feel bad, as a result of all that they felt stamped on, although all they needed was support.

I forgive myself for the times I looked in the mirror and ignored those beautiful eyes watching me, only being able to see the weaknesses, which in my opinion needed changing in order for me to be beautiful.

I forgive myself for not respecting the body I have, poisoning it with junk food, alcohol and not giving it enough water and sleep. I forgive myself for thinking that I’m “too fat” or “too thin”. As long as I take care of my body, it’s perfect the way it is.

I forgive myself for all those times I was lazy, distracted and chose useless activities to pass my days, rather than choosing something which would help me grow and develop in to a better person.

I forgive myself for standing in my own way and not listening to what my heart really desired. I forgive myself for knowing how to give, but not knowing how to accept things in return. But my emotional wall is slowly starting to come down and soon I shall open my heart.

I forgive myself for letting my own fears grow bigger, big enough to dampen the light I have inside of me, which kept waiting for that one moment to start shining bright again.

I can’t promise that none of these will not happen again, because there are always days or moments when I feel weak and tired. The tiredness overtakes sometimes, but I need to keep fighting and always forgive myself.

I can promise, that I will love myself enough to find the power in me to believe and live.

#KMinderland